A VERY merry christmas
by The.Malfoy.Rose
Summary: What if Ro was fed up with Sal. And on Christmas too! FUNNY.


_**DISCLAIMER! I NO OWN HARRY POTTER OR CHARACTERS I ONLY KIND OWN PLOT WITH PotterxPie! I write Rowena and she does Sally boy! This is kinda a prequel thingy to "Garden Snakes" the fan fic I wrote with Pie on her channel. We kinda switch the stuff we write together between profiles.**_

_**"And falling's just another way to fly."  
— **__**Emilie Autumn**_

It was Christmas holiday and most of the students had gone home… actually ALL of the students had gone home for the holidays. _'Strangely empty without them… but quieter!'_ Ro thought as she summoned all of the other founders to help with the Christmas tree decorations. Helga cheerfully buried herself in the tinsel and Godric laughed as he pulled her out with a kiss. (SIGH) They looked so happy together it was lovely, even though it reminded her of the fact that she was alone. Oh well. Where was Salazar? Oh, there He was.

"Hey Salazar, come and help me with the candles please. I've got to hang the wreaths and Helga is….occupied." She called to the green-eyed bundle of grumpiness in the corner.

Bah humbug. If there was a bigger scrooge than Salazar, good luck finding him.

Well, that was a lie. Sal actually did love Christmas. But he didn't, if that made sense. Christmas was…A weird Holiday. For one, it required socialization, which Sal would have been fine with, had this socialization not contained Rowena, Helga or Godric. That was boring.

Oh well. He could at least talk to Anatiddle…He meant Anatole. Really. He was alright, sort of. That Professor was infinitely better company when drunk, however, and the way he danced on tables was entertainment enough.

However, Sal was happy enough right now, sitting, arms crossed, in a corner on a little three legged stool.

He resembled a child being punished.

Rowena wanted his help. Oh the joy.

"Uhm, no! I'm alright thanks!" He called back, flicking his wand and muttering _'accio cookie' _in the vague direction of a platter of cookies not far from where he sat. He had been doing so for the past half an hour, and the cookie stock was…scarily low.

"Salazar that was NOT really a question. And _accio Sally's cookie"_ she added as said pastry flew into her mouth. Mmmmm. Chocolate chip. "Now… _accio Salazar."_ She whispered and thus summoned him to her feet and pushing the candles into his now cookie-less hands. "Okay so here is what you have to do. It's quite simple; just light these and levitate them onto the tree please. Thank you." She said turning to the banners and turning them into glitter-spewing versions of their normal selves.

"Hey!" He muttered, mouth left agape as though he were about to bite into a cookie.

"That was mine!" He protested, as he was forcefully dragged from his stool, "Isn't this illegal! I know you want me, woman, but restrain yourself!" He said, loudly. Candles. Really.

Would she realize if he set the tree on fire? A ten foot tall blazing inferno wasn't exactly sly, he thought to himself. So, reluctantly, he lit the candles and threw them all on the tree.

Muttering to himself, he stalked back to his stool, gathering the platters of cookies and taking them all back to his corner.

"The cheek," he muttered to himself, stuffing his rather thin face with cookies.

"Salazar will you cheer up? It's Christmas! The Fucking HOLIDAY of joy! Please Salazar, please. It's bad enough that Professor Anatole wanted to spend the Holidays with family outside of Hogwarts. We need some CHEER! Well…apart from Helly and Godric but they are a bit… busy. And I do NOT want you, how many times do I have to tell you that? You know what, if you don't start being happy with us I'm gonna hex you. Real bad." She said

"BAH HUMBUG," Salazar yelled across the hall to her, in between mouthfuls. Oh, how low had you stooped, Sal . And there was no Anatole this time around. Now who would sing rude songs with him?

"Busy? They're practically making babies here. Someone separate them, please. Thanks. I was feeling a bit ill. Anyway, don't deny it Rowena, I've seen how you watch me. I've seen. Don't protest," He said, finishing off the cookies.

"Oh, Rowena, I'd like to see you try," He said, shaking his head, and stretching.

"Ugh, okay you know what I've had it. You are going to have a nice holiday with us and if I have to force you! _VERA DULCIS MENS!_" she cried firing the spell that hit him square in the heart . Helga and Godric looked at her in shock.

"What did you do?" they asked.

"I put a charm on him that makes him nice and polite and happy for a week so he'll be back to his normal self at 12 o'clock on New Year's Eve. Look, it's working. Hello Salazar." She said taking his hand and standing him up.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Hello, Rowena. Yes, I believe I do. My, you look lovely today. And, Godric, is that new cologne I smell? OH. Helga, you look absolutely ravishing today. Oh, dear me, this really is not right!" He said, bringing a hand to his mouth, though still smiling.

"One day, Rowena, I'm going to kill you," he said, still grinning.

"Oh dear! I haven't bought any of you anything for Christmas! Let me just go and spend a great deal of my money! I'll be back!" He said, waving and skipping merrily from the hall, whistling a tune of some sort.

The man strolled casually into the bustling village of Hogsmeade, waving and greeting people as he walked, who stopped and stared.

This really was not right.

What to buy? What to buy! Oh the choices were…Well, pretty limited, but why dampen everyone's spirits?

For Helga, he picked out a lovely dress. That would look lovely, and compliment her rather…ample frame. And for Godric, well, look at that lovely ruby-encrusted sword! He'd absolutely adore that.

Rowena was rather hard to buy for. But, whatever. That perfume smelled beautiful! Like roses. Yummy, his cheerful mind thought. He purchased these things, burning a considerable hole in his pocket, and merrily skipped towards the castle, cursing Rowena in a whimsical tune.

"He is very nice when he can't lie or be horrid." Ro said to Helga as they strung enchanted mistletoe around the castle.

"What do you mean he can't lie?" She asked.

"It was part of the spell. So what are you getting Godric and Sally for Christmas? "

"Oh, ummm. Well I got Godric a new broom, you know the one he's been staring at for the past month. And I got Salazar a new silver cauldron and you?" Helga replied as she enchanted yet another plant.

"I got Godric a sword case because it's only a matter of time before he gets one and I got Salazar a cologne of my own creation, it smells of cherry trees. I think he'll like it and I won't say what I got you so stop looking so hopeful." Ro giggled at her best friend,

"Why are you enchanting the mistletoe anyway?"

"Oh, well, if you get stuck under it with someone you have to kiss or you will stay there forever. It doesn't matter if on the check or lips, a kiss is a kiss." She replied, sounding proud of herself. Now that was a good idea for her and Godric but what about Ro? What if she got caught with Godric or…Salazar. Helga would either kill or tease her.

….. so either way she HAD to avoid the now semi-deadly leafage at all costs. She nodded to herself as she went to the Christmas tree and put down her gifts. This was going to be a lovely Christmas.

Salazar skipped into the hall, laden with gifts.

"I come bearing gifts!" He sang, stopping in front of the tree. He put them all down in a neat little pile, and waggled a finger at Helga.

"Now now! No peaking, spoil sport!" He chided, giggling like a school girl. OH dear. He really did not like this, not one bit.

"Rowena? Wait until this funny…thing wears off. Because then you're in for it!" He said, still smiling. This was a very, very scary thing to behold. It was like a four year old telling you that you were going to die, plain and simple.

Sal started whistling yet another Yuletide carol, this time taking Helga by the arms and waltzing around the Hall.

"Don't you just LOVE this time of year?" He asked no one in particular, then throwing Rowena 'the finger' once regaining just the slightest bit of control over his actions and thoughts.

"Okay, I actually wasn't going to use this part of her spell but here it goes; are you or are you not attracted to Ro?" Helga asked after returning to Goddy's arms,

"because all this sexual tension is driving me crazy! So just admit it for Merlin's sake!"

Rowena was shocked.

To say the least.

The look on her face resembled a mixture of horror and a petrified person.

Salazar stood, hands on hips and lips pursed. He realized that, when in a cheery mood, he acted rather more feminine than was required. This worried him.

"Now now, Helly dearest, I'm not telling! It's secret! Besides, I wouldn't want her to stalk me day and night! It would only be a matter of time before babies came along and heaven KNOWS I'm not a family man!" Salazar said, his voice scarily high and _almost _femine. _Almost. _

If someone truly loved him, please let them kill him, here and now.

"And dearest Helly, please stop discussing sexual tension. It makes everyone rather uncomfortable," Sal said, straightening the tree.

Ro was still in shock.

Could it be that he was attracted to HER?

Rowena Ravenclaw.

The BANE of his existence

No. That was impossible. He was a snake-y bastard and she was a brainiac beauty.

Now to more reasonable thoughts; what in Merlin's name was she going to wear tonight?

Salazar was whistling as he admired himself in the mirror. Well, if he was a woman, he most certainly would.

But he was a man! He had no need for mirrors!

That was a lie. He loved his mirror more than anything in the world. He was incredibly vain, of course, and so spent a good ten minutes making sure he looked wonderful.

Wonderful.

What the hell had Ravenclaw done to him? She might as well have turned him into Godric, the way he was going. Oh dear.

And what was with the 'Oh dear?' It was all wrong! He hadn't sworn in…nearly six hours now! This was unbelievably wrong, he thought, as he skipped out of the dungeon.

And what about the freakin' skipping? That was also very odd. He had never, ever skipped. Ever.

He had lost all masculinity, he had decided.

Well, at least he hadn't put too much effort into dressing himself. He wore simple, emerald green robes, and his black hair was pulled back, as normal. His chin was actually bare, he thought, stroking it. This wasn't right. He'd have to grow his beard again. His chin felt naked.

Naked and cold. But, on the bright side, it was lovely and smooth.

Smooth as a baby's backside.

Who had come up with that saying? A possible paedophile?

That was absolutely _horrible_. He would never, ever think that again.

Skirting around some mistletoe, he headed into the Great Hall.

Nobody was there. Well, Godric and Helga were probably shagging each other in some remote corner of the castle.

More cookies for him.

'_Good thing I charmed the food so that nobody can start until we are ALL there'_ Ro thought as her house elf tightened her corset.

What? It was Christmas. She had the right to get prettied up!

She nodded as she looked at the finished product; a deep blue with bronze accents and her hair was piled in a loose up-do with strands framing her pale face, her big blue eyes and her full red lips.

Oh GOD. That corset was rather…tight. She coughed and made her way to the Great Hall. As she approached the doors swung open, dramatically underlining her entrance and giving her a full view of Sal trying to fight off a cookie. Thanks to her spell the cookie had bitten him.

On the neck.

Like a love-bite.

Oops…

Sal was fighting off the cookie of doom.

Doom, death and destruction, he'd decided as it bit him hard on the neck.

Of course, he loved cookies, but…Not like that.

He managed to swat it away, and somehow look dignified while doing so.

Rowena had entered at this point.

"Why hello! Might I say, you look lovely this evening. Excuse the cookie. He's rather…Well, moody today. Any idea where Godric and Helga are, without being too explicit?" He asked, moving a chair out for Rowena to sit in.

She sat down with slight difficulties and gasps.

"I believe they are still a bit….._busy._" she said trying but not succeeding to slyly clutch at her back to loosen _it_.

"Oh. Well, that's…delightful, but I'm a wee bit hungry, you see. Corset bothering you?" Salazar asked, genuine concern crossing his face. He could tell this spell would _not _be a favourite of his. He would never punish anyone like that.

"Um…..yes." she admitted, not daring to look into his eyes for fear that he would see her blush.

Damn her pale complexion that made her cheeks rosy-hue VERY obvious.

"I think it's too tight. I-I- can't breathe." She said swooning and falling on his shoulder. Not unconscious but not all there.

He reckoned that she wanted him, secretly. But right now, a corset threatened her breathing. And so, there was but one thing left to do.

He'd had experiences with corsets before. They'd proved tricky little things, but not impossible.

"Rowena, I'm not going to rape you. Or assault you, in any way. I'm just going to loosen your corset! I swear," Sal said, managed to worm an arm around her semi-conscious frame, and to her back. To an outsider, it looked like his arm was around her waist.

He fiddled with the strings for a while, before finally tugging them undone.

She came too gasping and clutching his shoulders,

Just as Godric and Helga arrived.

"Well…this is…awkward." Godric said turning around. Helga giggled and Ro realized that she was now almost on top of Salazar, corset undone, his arm around her waist, gasping for breath.

Well, Merry Christmas.


End file.
